J. D. R

By Oliver Wendell Holmes

    The friends that are, and friends that were,     What shallow waves divide!     I miss the form for many a year     Still seated at my side.     I miss him, yet I feel him still     Amidst our faithful band,     As if not death itself could chill     The warmth of friendship's hand.     His story other lips may tell, -     For me the veil is drawn;     I only knew he loved me well,     He loved me - and is gone!

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Poem Details

Language: English
Keywords: Public Domain
Source: Public Domain Collection
Rights/Permissions: Public Domain

Analysis & Notes:
This poignant poem is a contemplative exploration of friendship, loss, and the enduring impact of emotional connections. The poet uses the metaphor of 'shallow waves' to describe the separation between 'friends that are, and friends that were,' hinting at the thin veil between the realms of life and death. The sense of absence is deeply felt, as the poet mourns a friend who is no longer physically present yet remains a potent force in the narrator's life.

The poem's tone is melancholic, yet there's an underlying warmth that underscores the enduring power of friendship. This is particularly evident in the line, "As if not death itself could chill / The warmth of friendship's hand" where death is personified and presented as incapable of extinguishing the warmth of friendship. The simple structure and straightforward rhyme scheme lend the poem an air of authenticity and raw emotion. The poet, in the final stanza, reveals a reluctance to share the story of the departed friend, perhaps implying a profound personal grief that transcends words. The repetition of “He loved me – and is gone” serves as a poignant conclusion, affirming both the love the departed friend had for the narrator and the finality of their loss.

Understanding Elegy

An elegy is a form of poetry that expresses sorrow or lamentation, often for someone who has died. This type of poetry serves as a tribute to the deceased, reflecting on their life and the grief left behind.


Elegies are deeply emotional and personal, exploring themes of loss, mourning, and remembrance. Here are some defining characteristics:

  • Mournful Tone: Elegies are characterized by a tone of sadness and reflection, as the poet grapples with the pain of loss.
  • Tribute to the Deceased: The subject of an elegy is often someone who has passed away, with the poem serving as a memorial that honors their life and legacy.
  • Personal Reflection: Elegies often include personal reflections on the impact of the deceased on the poet's life, as well as broader musings on mortality and the human condition.
  • Structure and Form: While elegies can vary in form, they often follow a traditional structure that includes an expression of grief, praise for the deceased, and a sense of consolation or acceptance.

From ancient times to the present, elegies have provided a way for poets to navigate the complexities of grief and loss, offering solace and a means of preserving the memory of those who have passed.